motivation

January 5, 2022

A New You?

It’s the beginning of a New Year, so how do you plan to “change” yourself?  Have you written down a list of resolutions?  Do you have a bunch of new goals?  And, how is that going for you?  If you’re like me, you have probably already run into problems.  And, of course, no surprise there.  I only made a few goals and I’ve already failed.  I planned that I would wake up at 6 am from Monday to Friday, and 7 am on Saturday and Sunday.  But I failed my first day.  Yup…I set my clock for 6, when it went off, I rolled over, shut that pesky noise off and woke up an hour later.  I was fairly angry at myself at first, and then reasoned that I must have needed that extra sleep, since I had gone back to sleep immediately.

What I didn’t do was let it ruin the rest of my day.  You see, usually I’ll focus on the one thing I did “wrong”, and let it color my day gray.  But, since becoming disabled (and it took that catastrophic event to make me treat myself better), I’ve realized how terribly I’ve treated myself for as long as I can remember. While I would tell others not to be so hard on themselves, I never was anything but hard on myself.  Being rigid with what you expect of yourself is not helpful. Berating yourself for mistakes fulfills no purpose.  What does help is to simply realize that sometimes we need to just get up, dust ourselves off, and go on with our day. 

So, I want you to remember is that life is an ocean, everything changes, expectations are not written in stone, they are written in the sand at your feet, and you can be absolutely sure that the waves will sweep in and erase all those goals.  The best thing to do is re-write, re-group and do the very best you can do.  Be kind to yourself.

December 22, 2021

Holiday Season

This is the holiday time of year, and whatever holiday you celebrate, I wish you the best! Be happy, be kind and love each other.

November 24, 2021

Appreciating

This Thanksgiving many of us will be sitting down to a family meal and hopefully we will give thanks for all the blessings we have shared this past year.  For many, this will be a bittersweet day.  Over 770,000 people have died of Covid-19, and of course this has touched the lives of millions if others.  There is so much pain and sadness in our country (and across the entire world), that I can only hope we will be able to help each other with love and kindness.

While I realize that not everyone feels love, or kindness for that matter, (just look at the news) I hope that those of us who do, out-number those that don’t.  The best thing we can do is try to live by the following: “One should never do something to others that one would regard as an injury to one’s own self.” This is a quote from the Mahabharata, an ancient Sanskrit poem from India.  Personally, I can’t think of a better way to live your life.

November 3, 2021

Goals Are Promises You Make to Yourself

Goals are great.  They can focus us on obtaining what we want and give us a way to get there.  However, if goals are promises, they can also become wishes if you either don’t work on them, or don’t let yourself work on them.  The difference between those two possibilities is vast.  Not working toward a goal can be caused by a variety of different things.  Your goal may not be a priority due to changed circumstances, or you’ve simply lost interest, or you just decided that now is not the time.

Standing in your own way by not letting yourself work on a goal is much more insidious.  There can be so many reasons that we may deny ourselves the things we want the most.  One reason can be that we feel unworthy.  Not only unworthy of fulfilling a precious goal that we’ve dreamed about, but there is also the fear of failure.  You can’t fail if you don’t try, right?  Filling your life with dreams of what could be “if only” allows you to not only hold your dream tight, but also not fail.  Failing is seen as defeat and no one wants to be seen as a loser.  But defeat can lead to better things. However, that’s not in our collective consciousness. We don’t see the glass half full; we tend to see it as half empty (or even mostly empty). 

As far as my own unrealized goals are concerned, I too have the same problems as many other people.  I’ve got quite a few goals that I’m not working on.  If I don’t send out my writing to agents, it can’t be rejected.  If I don’t do anything I literally cannot fail!  What a way to live.  Having a life-changing event happen to me did indeed give me a new perspective.  While I was in the hospital, I was sure that I’d “go for it” as they say.  But of course, once I came home the reality of navigating my everyday life became all consuming.  Do I fault myself for that?  Yes, of course.  Would I fault someone else for dealing with the at times overwhelming challenges I face?  No, I wouldn’t.  Instead, I’d encourage them to take time to get used to everything being difficult.  It takes time to walk laps, lift weights, practice balancing with first shoes only and then braces also.  Cooking, cleaning, showering and simply living is exhausting.  While I wouldn’t expect someone else to adjust to their new living situation immediately, I am extremely negative toward my own struggles.

We have to find a balance between blaming ourselves, and encouraging ourselves to realize our goals.  Life is too short to not work toward our dreams.   Work on believing yourself to be worthy of your dreams.  Don’t end up regretting what you didn’t accomplish in your life.

October 27, 2021

The Wonders of Fall

As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve always loved Fall.  There are many reasons for this – the beautifully changing leaves, the crisp new mornings that seem to promise unexpected adventures, but especially how fall feels like a time to reflect and reorganize your mind, spirit and life.  Of course, don’t get me wrong – I don’t think I’ve ever managed to reorganize myself properly, it just feels like a good time to do so.

While I was in the hospital, our computer room (really just a “dump everything we didn’t know where to put room”) was transformed into my new bedroom.  While It’s wonderful, I still have books to sort, crap to throw out, and boxes to go through – all before Christmas!  Why before Christmas?  The boxes are stacked in the living room where we usually put the Christmas tree.  Do I feel stressed?  Oh yes!  I’ve been home for three-and-a-half months, yet I’m not yet finished.  To give myself credit, I’ve gone through quite a few boxes, discovered books that I want to give away, and that I was holding onto things that don’t fit into my life anymore.

So, this Fall I want to finish all this work and move into the next chapter of my life.  So, nothing earth shattering, just empty the boxes.  Luckily, I can also enjoy the gorgeous leaves and fresh air by walking my daily laps on the porch and taking a small walk up the street when the weather is good.  I hope you’re enjoying this weather and the beauty of Mother Nature herself.

September 29, 2021

You’re Allowed to be Who You Really Are

Do other people tell you who you are?  Do they let you know what you think?  I’ve had this problem for a long time.  One reason is that I don’t speak up.  I’d rather either not say anything, leave the room, or just stoically listen to what they tell me without responding.  Because to do otherwise creates an problem as they yell at me for having an opinion on who I am and what I think. This behavior on my part is self-diminishing.  Not standing up for yourself and denying who you really are for long periods of time can be devastating.  However, in my defense, from the time I was small I was not allowed to speak up for myself.  The few times that I did, I was punished quite severely for doing so.

This has led me to the point in my life where I am questioning who I really am.  The one thing I don’t want to happen to any of you is to become older and not know for sure who you are.  Yes, others’ expectations of us will always be there, however this is not who you are.  Just as when you become part of a couple (married or not), you also become “spouse’s name” – wife.

This probably happens because I am not a memorable personality, others often forget my name.  Then for a long time (and it still happens) I’ve been known as my son’s and daughter’s mother.  Then again, I’ve been called the “Library Lady” because I was at the library at least three times a week for years.  Actually, that name doesn’t bother me at all, since it references an aspect of my being –books, reading.

By not knowing who you are, what you want and what you think, you are allowing others to tell you who you are.  You are not defining yourself.  Take the time to get to know who you are, what you think and exactly what you want.  Do it sooner rather than later.  Live the life you truly want, rather then some life someone else forced you into.  (Because being nice at the expense of living the life you want is no consolation.)

September 22, 2021

Encouraging Yourself

I just wanted to share this quote with you, since we all could do with encouragement.  Standing in our own way is often a problem.  Instead of comparing yourself to how you want to be, focus on how far you’ve come.  Celebrate each move forward, no matter how small it might be. 

September 15, 2021

Daily

Courage to wake and
face the day essentially
destroys me daily.


Broken I rise and
face the day resisting fear.
Courage lives within.

August 4, 2021

Creating a Different Life

Since coming home, I can’t do many of the tasks around my house (dusting, vacuuming, laundry, washing the floors, shopping, cooking), I’ve had some time to fill.  Of course, some of that has time has been filled with visits from Health Aides, Occupational and Physical Therapists and Visiting Nurses, but not all of the time.  So, I’ve been thinking about my life.  Clearly, it’s not the same as it was on May 25th, so I’ve been asking myself how I want to change my life.  What are my goals?  How can I make my life better? How do I want to change and grow?  What kind of person do I want to become? 

Wow!  So many questions and what are my answers?  To tell the truth, I’m not completely sure, however I do have some goals in mind.  Like most people, I’ve got short-term goals and long-term goals.  And, of course, in order to even be able to dream about my long-term goals, there are some difficult short-term goals to meet first. Now that I’ve got my fancy braces and can walk with my walker much more competently, my short-term goal is to be able to walk with a multi-pronged cane.  My long-term goal is to walk with no help what-so-ever.  Will this ever happen?  I don’t know.  No one knows.  So far, there have been no answers from any of my doctors.  Is this frustrating?  Oh yes!  I’ve got many doctor appointments and tests coming up in the next few months. 

Of course, I’ve been thinking of other ways to live this different new life.  Another goal is to work more on myself.  There are things that I can do for myself.  Getting up and walking laps on my porch, working on my balance, lifting weights and using resistance bands have all been part of my daily routine since I came home.  But now I will be adding some new exercises for my back, bladder and bowel.  Yes, all these systems need to be strengthened just like other muscles.  And, as usual, I want to make healthier meals to eat.  The difficult thing is that I’ve lost a lot of my energy – because just walking around and being a person is taking way too much energy.  Hopefully it’s because my body is healing itself.  At least that’s what I tell myself.  So, better meals are another goal. 

So, these are a few of my goals.  Will there be others?  Of course!  A few more have been knocking around in my head…organization, throwing unused items away, simplifying my environment, and becoming as healthy and strong as I can be.  I’ll keep you updated on my journey through the woods.

July 28, 2021

When Life Goes Wrong

What choices do we have when life takes an unexpected turn?  Can we just wallow, or do we need to put the brakes on to avoid an even bigger wreck?  Could we possibly ignore what’s happened and act like everything will be okay?  Or do we truly have no choice and absolutely need to deal with what’s happened? 

Some things can be ignored, but not all things.  Obviously if you have a physical/medical aliment you really do need to deal with it.  However, some people may feel the need to refuse to do anything, and let themselves just be…but if you do that, you will not get better and your life could end up going down the drain.  Some people may decide to do that; however, this is not a way to find a positive outcome.

When I was in the hospital, I did get one call that I will never forget.  A family member was telling me how terrible it was for him that I was numb from the waist down, unable to walk and incontinent – yes – this was terrible for him, not me, him.  I was flabbergasted and had nothing to say in response. I hung up shortly thereafter. 

Whenever I’m faced with such statements, I consider the source and ignore what’s been said.  To tell the truth, I just tend to “get on with it”.  My gut reaction is to do what I can, and focus on what I can do to get better.  So, since I’ve been home for two weeks, I’ll tell you what I’ve been doing.  I’ve been given a series of exercises by the physical and occupational therapists.  There are three sets of exercises: balance (my balance is a little shaky at best); weights; and bands. Three times a week I do the balance and weights; and three times a week I do balance and bands.  On Sundays I clean my bathroom and believe me, that’s a work-out in itself.  I also walk laps every day, whether on my front porch, or around the first floor of my house.  Since I just received my custom-made braces, I’ve added two more laps bringing the total up to 22.  Just doing these exercises makes me tired.  After all, I was lying in a hospital bed for almost three weeks and lost a fair amount of muscle.  And, of course being unable to feel most of your legs and none of your feet makes balancing and walking an extreme sport!

I’m just letting you know that while being totally depressed by what I can no longer do, I’m trying to look at my life as it is now and make the best efforts that I can to get better.  Obviously, I’m not all sunshine and roses, however, this is my life right now.  The reality is that I wear diapers to bed and pull-ups with pads during the day.  Life has gotten better since I’ve got myself on a bathroom schedule.  Does it suck?  Of course, it does!  Have I figured out ways to make it better, yes!

The rest of my days are spent either going to various doctors, having fun and exciting tests done to me, or reading.  My other major occupation is trying to figure out how to get stuff out of the refrigerator/cabinets and onto the table without spilling anything.  Thank goodness walkers have baskets!  I’ve also realized that I can cook – I made myself a squash, pepper, onion and rice dish for lunch the other day.  I chopped, cooked and cleaned up after myself.  Huge learning curve.

Whatever the circumstance is, there is usually something you can do to make it better.  I’m working on strength, endurance and balance.  And I’m not just talking about the physical aspects of these three things.  Life in itself is a learning curve.  And, it goes on.  What we make of it is up to us.