Working on Yourself Helps Others

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This time of year can be very depressing for many people.  I tend to bounce between anxiety to happiness, sometimes in a matter of minutes.  So, it’s really important to focus on what you need, and how you treat others, especially if your own emotions are flying all over the place.  Slow down, take a breath and find the calmness in yourself.  When you do this, you can interact in a much more positive way with others.  Then, tackle all the additional things that need to be done.

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Be Your Own Savior

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Here’s a nasty little secret for you – no one is coming to save you.  Here’s another one – you’re never going to win the lottery.  Yep, if you want that prince on the white horse to come save you, you’re going to be waiting until you’re in the grave.  No one is coming.  You have to be your own savior.

You know what the worst part of this is?  You’re going to have to do the dirty work.  That lottery ticket isn’t going to be the “one”, by the way this is especially true if you don’t even buy a lottery ticket, but sometimes fantasize about what you would do if you won.  (This is me…I actually do this occasionally).  See, we all are looking for a savior.

The problem is that none of us wants to do the work it takes to change our lives.  Most of us want to magically wake up in the morning and all the hard work is done, and we’re suddenly living our dream life.  That would be great.  But it’s not going to happen.

So, what do we do?  One of the first things to do is to admit this to yourself.  Admit that you’re going to have to do the work.  Admit that you are worth it…this is the most important part.  You need to feel that you are worth all the hard work.  That the life you’ve dreamed of for so long is what you’re worthy of.  And then, you need to make a plan, set some goals, and start the work.  The only way to fulfill your dreams is to do the work.  Be your own savior.

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A Positive Outlook

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If you tend to dwell in negativity that is all that you will find.  Looking for the best in life will force you to find it.  We do tend to find what it is that we’re looking for, after all.  I know this can be difficult (I too have spent way too much time in negativity), but remember, if you change your focus, you can change your life.

When times are hard, look at what is going right and build positivity from there.  Life is never just one thing.  Positive and negative both surround us, but if you focus on the good things it will give you the strength to overcome the negative.

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Never Make Yourself Smaller

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Don’t allow other people to make you smaller or “less than” what you are.  It’s so easy to make yourself smaller in order for someone else, who you love, to feel better about themselves.  After all we tell ourselves, it’s because we love them that we become smaller.  Why shouldn’t we help someone we love feel better about themselves?

However, it’s not up to us to become smaller, “less than”, to make someone else feel larger.  Our beliefs in ourselves matter also.  If someone insists that you need to be smaller, it’s a large indicator that they really don’t have your best interests at heart.  It’s not up to us to be “less than” so someone else can feel “more than”.  A true friend will celebrate who and what you are, not make you feel smaller.  Someone who professes to love you will never ask you to make yourself smaller.  No matter how difficult, be true to who you are.

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Where Thoughts Go, Energy Flows

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This is just a little reminder for you.  Try not to fill your brain up with negativity.  Even though negative thoughts are so easy, don’t be tempted to dwell on them. While we all know that it’s easier to think about how terrible a problem is, the only way to change it is to think of a solution.

While not every problem has a solution, sometimes the solution is to simply stop dwelling on the problem.  In life, there are always going to be things that we can’t change.  We can’t change someone else, so a solution is to stop dwelling on their behavior and think about something you can change – like not letting what they choose to do and say bother you.

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Of course, this is hard – negativity (complaining, dwelling on situations) is so much easier than positivity, and finding a solution.  Remember, it’s a process.  Like anything, it will take you quite a while to focus your energy on what you can do.  Put your thoughts toward positivity and see how it changes your life.

Is Self-Care Selfish?

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As you know, I’ve been rising early in order to work-out.  Sometimes that means that I’m up at 4:30 a.m. since I’ve been doing most of my walking in the morning, in my basement with Denise Austin.  Why you may ask?  Well, our heat index has been 105° on more than one occasion.  So, the other day, I was minding my own business when I was informed by a family member that the very fact that I work-out is extremely selfish of me.  I was taking time and doing something for myself that should be spent doing something (anything) for the family.

There was something so shocking about this statement that I was at a loss for words.  After reflection on this I wonder, what should I be doing at 4:30 am?  Vacuuming?  Washing the floors?  Dusting?  The fact of the matter is, if I wasn’t working out, I’d be sleeping.  But, how come all my time is supposed to be “for the family”?  Aren’t we all adults here?

The definition of selfish is to be concerned exclusively with oneself, to the detriment of others.  I seriously do not think that making extra time in my day to exercise has anything to do with the detriment of other family members.  I still do everything that I was doing before I started working out every day, so this statement is patently untrue.  However, the purpose of his saying this was deliberately to undermine what I was doing.  I have seen positive changes this year, and that is what is bothering some people in my immediate family, not just this one individual.  When you start to change your life, some people may see this as a negative directed at them.  For their own reasons, they were happy with the status quo and now you’ve gone and changed yourself in certain ways.  This can be a problem, but remember, if you are changing yourself for your own reasons, they don’t get to say what you should or shouldn’t do.  (As long as what you’re doing involves only you).  So, self-care is not selfish.

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