The Destructiveness of Verbal (Emotional) Abuse

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There are various forms of abuse, but verbal abuse often gets ignored, and/or brushed aside as though it doesn’t really have any effects on the person who is abused.  The reason for this is that it doesn’t leave any physical scars.  There are many people who believe that if there isn’t a physical scar, it doesn’t matter.   Many women who suffer from verbal abuse are told “at least it isn’t physical”.  Since this is a common statement, it can make the victims of verbal abuse feel like it must not be happening – it’s all in their heads.

What is verbal abuse, and how can you decide if this a part of your relationship with your significant other?  Here is a definition:  “any act including confinement, isolation, verbal assault, humiliation, intimidation, infantilization, or any other treatment which may diminish the sense of identity, dignity, and self-worth.”1

Emotional abuse is also known as psychological abuse or as “chronic verbal aggression” by researchers. People who suffer from emotional abuse tend to have very low self-esteem, show personality changes (such as becoming withdrawn) and may even become depressed, anxious or suicidal.

https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/emotional-psychological-abuse/emotional-abuse-definitions-signs-symptoms-examples/

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There are many long-term effects of verbal (emotional) abuse that can include:  chronic pain, migraine, headaches, indigestion, bowel issues and stress-related heart conditions.  The psychological effects can include anxiety, depression, PTSD, memory gap disorders, sleep and/or eating disorders, hyper-vigilance or extreme startle response, anger issues, addiction issues, irritability and/or anger issues, suicide or self-mutilation.

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As you can see, being in a relationship where there is verbal (emotional) abuse has long-term effects.  The first thing you can do is figure out if you are in such a relationship.  The second thing you need to do is decide whether or not you want (need) to stay.  There should be no judgments on whether or not you decide to stay.  I understand that there are many considerations to be made.  If you’re dependent on the abuser, feel a need to stay; or whatever reason, this is your decision.  However, if you do decide to stay, being aware of the abuse is a step in the right direction.  You will no longer feel as if you’re “going crazy”, or wonder if you’re being “gas lighted”.  You will be aware, and can change your reactions to what is happening to you.

I’m leaving links in this post so that you can make yourself aware of what verbal (emotional) abuse is, what could be happening to your mental and physical health, and how you can care for yourself.  Be aware, be safe and be healthy.

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https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/verbal-abuse/effects-of-verbal-abuse-on-children-women-and-men/

https://www.7cups.com/blog/post/81/12+Effective+Ways+to+Defend+Yourself+From+Verbal+Abuse.html

https://www.californiapsychics.com/blog/mind-body-spirit/the-best-strategies-against-verbal-abuse.html

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We Remember What You Forget

Verbal abuse is just as devastating as physical abuse. The only difference is that you don’t have visible scars to prove that you’ve been abused. Without the visible bruising, it can be all too easy to pretend that you haven’t been hurt. After all, where is your proof? As I know from first-hand experience, it is really easy to be gas lighted when it comes to verbal abuse. You become confused and can start to believe the abuser when you are told everything is either your fault, or in your head. After all, there is no proof; and just as with a physical abuser, the verbal abuser is often seen as charming to other people.  Also, because there is no actual evidence of the abuse, the abuser denies that anything has happened.  It’s the hit and run of the abusive world.  After all is said, the abuser goes on his marry way leaving the abused to hide in the dark alone.

There are signs of verbal abuse that anyone in a relationship should be aware of, whether or not you feel that your partner is a bully. They can include: taking the brunt of a “joke”; always feeling like you are walking on egg shells to avoid setting off a temper tantrum; comments that are designed to make you lose your confidence; if you say that your feelings have been hurt, the problem is you – you are too sensitive.
http://psychcentral.com/lib/signs-you-are-verbally-abused-part-i/
http://liveboldandbloom.com/11/relationships/signs-of-emotional-abuse
http://www.verbalabuse.com/

The above websites can offer you more information and help then I can. This is a real problem, and it seems to be growing. Bullies are bullies, and there is no excuse for their behavior. I don’t believe in the thinking that they themselves must have been bullied, and so we must feel sorry for them. I was bullied, and since I know what it feels like, I wouldn’t want to abuse someone else.

Know and understand what is going on.   Above all else, don’t allow yourself to be gas lighted.  Don’t forgive and forget, when someone shows you who they are, pay attention!