Problem Talk (Complaining)

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Problem talk is something that we all do.  Some of us do it more than others.  Sometimes we can get so caught up in the problem talk and completely forget that there is usually a solution.  We are the ones who usually have the solution inside ourselves, if only we spent some time thinking about solutions, and not wasting our time by complaining.  Sound familiar?  I’m guilty of it and almost everyone I know is guilty of it, also.

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While complaining about a problem has its place; there is a lot to be said for venting, after all, frustration is a valid emotion, problem talk is not a solution.  It’s just not going to get the problem solved.  And, at the end of the day isn’t that what we really want?  To get the problem solved.

Here are some questions to ask yourself the next time you find yourself caught up in the never-ending problem talk.  Is there something you can do to change this situation?  Can you think of a way to take your focus off this situation and put it into something that is beneficial to you?  I’ve found over the years that when I focus on what I can do to change my reactions or focus, I can manage problems that have no solution much better.

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As a simple example of this, when I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia I immediately thought that there was no solution and nothing that I could do.  I wallowed in my depression for about two weeks, and then I got on the internet and found things that I could do.  Since I’m not a person who likes to take pharmaceuticals I found natural ways of dealing with the pain and managing my problem.  So, yes, I’m aware that not all problems can be “solved”, however, there is usually something that can do done to help deal with a problem (besides problem-talk).  Let me know what it is that you do to either solve a problem, or to deal with it in a more positive manner.

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An Empty Nest

My contemporaries often talk about their grown children moving back home after college due to the job market and low pay.  However, I’ve never had an “empty nest”.  My son chose to work instead of going to college, and now he has a great career where he actually earns quite a bit of money.  He however, has told us that he plans to never move out.  But, at the ripe old age of twenty-six, it’s more than time for him to leave.  Make no mistake, I love him dearly, however, he really needs to get out and live life on his own.

Ah, what a rant!  Our daughter is another story.  She’s stayed at home to go to college on-line, and will be graduating in August.  She helps with the housework, cooks dinner sometimes, and is usually quite sweet.  We have no drama, etc. with her.  She works by babysitting, dog-walking and creates content for a web-site related to her area of studies. Her plan is to stay at home for a year after graduation, and then hopefully go to graduate school in the U.K.   She would love to move out, but needs to save as much money as she can.

With all this, I must admit that I’m dreaming of a house of my own.  A little french country cottage or a hobbit house would be just wonderful.  Think of all the peace and quiet!  Family, you can’t live with them, and you can’t live without them!

 

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Looking for Solutions

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Finding a problem is way too easy. Usually when we look at our lives all we see are the problems. However, we can be stymied when looking for a solution to the problem that we just found. As an example, my latest problem is that with a new health insurance company, my husband’s employer is now taking out an additional two hundred dollars from his monthly pay. So, now I’ve got a problem. I’m the one who pays the bills, and two hundred dollars missing from the monthly intake has really interfered with my ability to do the bill paying.

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At first, I just went into denial mode. If I ignore the problem, it will go away. Has this worked for anyone? Ever? Didn’t think so. Then I made a short list of what I could do. First of all, I could look into health insurance policies. After all, maybe I can find one that is cheaper. So far, I’ve not had much success, but I did only spend about two hours on this task. The cheaper policies also carry huge deductions, many of them to be paid up-front. This will force me to keep on looking.

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My second solution is that I need to take a look at our spending habits and see where I can cut those. One of the things that we consistently do is to get take-out on Friday nights. This can get rather more expensive than I would like, since my husband enjoys buying one or more appetizers. I have already cut down here by not getting anything for myself; instead I make a fabulous salad and have that. The only time when I get something is when we decide to get Chinese. The cost of the meal goes way down since I can usually get three meals out of my take-out. As a solution, there is no reason why we have to get take-out every Friday night. I believe that I’ll make pizza from scratch every other Friday. I’ve done this before, and the results have been pretty positive. See, there’s another solution.

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Then, the third solution. Food is extremely expensive. I am going to be finding cheap, easy vegan meals to make a couple of times a week for all of us. That should help with the food bill, and I can buy bags of beans instead of cans. Cheaper and better for you. Good ideas. So, as soon as I left the land of denial, my problem turned into solutions. Give it a try and let me know your results. I’ll keep you posted on mine.

Frustration

There is nothing worse than the frustration you feel when you can’t get your computer to work.  To tell you the truth, I don’t handle frustration well.  Picture, if you can, a toddler having a temper tantrum, and that’s how well I handle frustration. It seems that I’ve got to replace my computer on a yearly basis. I’ve got a computer guy to come over and look at it, he does so, and then within a few days, it’s not working again. Are computers only lasting a year? No, it’s my computer that is only lasting a year.

There is something with having Fibromyalgia that makes me unable to wear a watch. The time is either ten minutes too slow, or hours too fast. So, maybe this is just part of the whole lovely electromagnetic thing? Who knows, but I’m sick of it.

I’ve been using my daughters’ laptop so that I can keep up with my posts, but now I’m thinking of getting my own laptop. I can’t decide, but I do know that my frustration level is rising. Every morning I’m afraid to turn on the computer; since I don’t know if it’ll be working that day.  So, I haven’t been able to do the writing that I need to do, since she needs her own laptop – go figure!  I guess that this is the time to look around and invest in my own laptop. At least I could get my writing done. Does anyone else have this problem?

Thinking Good Thoughts

      I have affirmations that I carry with me in my purse. I try to change negative thoughts into positive ones. And I really really try to look on the positive side of life.

Does it work? Sometimes. But other times my mind just runs off by itself down the Road of Despair. What do I do at those times? Sometimes I stop and smell the black roses along that road, but most times I think about other people and how no matter what it is that I’m going through, many people have it so much worse. In other words, I take a reality check.

      I try not to invalidate my feelings, though. Even though other people have bigger problems, my problems are important to me. I try to find solutions that make sense and will work. I try to set baby goals that will lead me to bigger goals. Baby goals are wonderful. I just take a goal and break it down into the smallest possible task and finish that. It gives me a sense of accomplishment that leads me to obtaining that bigger goal. Along the way, I keep looking at my affirmations and creating positive reinforcements. It’s a positive way to help you create the life you want.