coping

I think that I’ve touched on this topic before, but it really bears repeating. Toxic people can make your life a living hell; especially if you live with one or more of them.

How can you tell if someone is a toxic person? Well, here are a few traits they seem to have: they are controlling – everything is “A OK” as long as they are in control – of you; they are jealous – if you find yourself hiding any fact that you’ve done well at something from them, you’ve definitely got a toxic person in your life; they lie – not just little white lies that we all use to make other people feel better (yes, that haircut is just wonderful!) but lies for basically no reason, just to lie; they play the victim – in any situation (even if it doesn’t apply to them) they are the victim; they gossip – consistently; they are greedy – what is it that they can gain from any and all situations; they always come first – with no regard to you; they are negative – you know those people – they could win the lottery and still find a way to flip it to the negative side; they are arrogant – and put you down all the time just to prove they are better than you; they are always right – if you disagree you could be in for a violent argument.
http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/10-signs-that-theyre-toxic-people-even-though-you-dont-feel-like.html

So, if you, like me, have to deal with a toxic person on a routine basis, what can you do to protect yourself? Yes, I do mean protect yourself. The lovely part of toxic people is that they can ruin your life. When someone else insists that life is terrible, everything is worse for them regardless of what is going on in your life – oh, the doctor thinks you may have cancer? Well, that will impact their life much more than yours; and you had better realize it and provide them comfort and support – forget about your comfort and support! The examples could go on and on…so, what can you do for yourself?

Well, I’ve found that if I use affirmations on a daily basis, I can force myself to believe that I am not personally responsible for the toxic person’s feeling of victimhood; negativity; or necessity to make me feel “less than”. When in those situations, I find that I can more easily “consider the source” and not let it influence how I feel about myself. Another thing that I’ve found to be really helpful is that I’ve begun to turn my attention to things that matter to me. I’ve finally come to realize that I can’t “fix” them, but I can “fix” myself. In order to do that, I’ve begun to spend time changing the things about myself that I feel need improvement. Not improvement to make the toxic people in my life “happier” (if there is such a thing), but to make myself happier. The more I do this, the more I find that these people don’t affect me nearly as much as they used to. In fact, I’ve been feeling better about myself lately than I have in years. There are other things you can try, and you can find them at the following websites.
http://zenhabits.net/toxic/
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-13750/5-tips-to-help-you-deal-with-toxic-people.html

So, I hope that this has helped you with the toxic people in your lives. Let me know how you cope with them.

For a long time I’ve lived with chronic stress. I won’t go into the details, but there are some people in my life that cause a great deal of stress; and as they are family, I can’t just run away (although I will admit I’d like to). I’ve got to just deal with it. Sometimes this is more of an issue than other times, but lately just hiding from them isn’t cutting it anymore. I’ve got to find a better way of dealing, and so I decided to do some research that I thought I’d share with you. Everyone has stress in their lives, but I’m talking about stress that just never seems to let up. This is the chronic, long-term stress. Knowing the damage it can cause, and how I could mitigate that damage would be beneficial to both my life and yours, if you suffer chronic stress.

When a person suffers from chronic stress, the body’s response to stress doesn’t work correctly anymore. It short-circuits, leaving you with an overexposure to cortisol and other stress hormones. This actually leaves you with a flight or fight response to everything that happens. I can actually feel this response to almost everything, whether it is perceived as a problem or not. My initial reaction is hysteria (not outwardly, but inwardly) that I must then hide as best as I can, mentally reduce the hysteria and try to react in a more normal way. Think Road Runner trying to appear as Buddha.

Some of the problems that chronic stress can cause are: anxiety, insomnia, muscle pain, high blood pressure, infertility, and weakened immune system. People who suffer from chronic stress are at a higher risk from heart disease, depression and obesity. There is also a relationship between chronic stress and substance abuse. But the one problem with chronic stress that really got my attention and made me decide to write this post, was the new evidence that chronic stress early in life can actually affect the how many neurons are produced, affect the memory and can lead to mental illness. Now, that really made me sit up and take notice, since in my childhood you were expected to “be one your toes” mentally. I never knew when a eye roll, comment or at times just a sigh was going to get me, at the very least, sent to bed without my supper. Other disciplines could be much more physical. You just never knew. As an adult, I experience other forms of chronic stress that I feel I must be just as diligent in hiding my flight or fight responses.

So, now that I know what chronic stress can do, is there anything that can be done to mitigate it? Some of the helpful advice I’ve found are: getting enough sleep; exercising, since that can release those all-important endorphins that make us feel better; a healthy diet; learning relaxation techniques; and talking to a professional if needed.

So, I guess I’ll have to make sure I get more sleep and exercise on a regular basis. Also, I think will be trying to meditate (which for me will be a difficult step, I am the Energizer Bunny after all). How do you deal with all the stress in your life, chronic or regular?