Confidence

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If there is something that I don’t have, it’s confidence.  Whether my lack of this attribute comes from never measuring up when I was a child, or from just simply never thinking I was all that, if there is one thing that I, and many other people lack, it’s confidence.

There are many times that a lack of confidence is simply ridiculous.  From feeling that I can’t figure out a new recipe to being unsure of how to get somewhere that I’ve been before, it doesn’t take much to shake my confidence in myself.  While I realize that one of the reasons for a lack of confidence is the simple fact that we tend to remember when someone else said something negative to us as opposed to remembering the positive things (yes, this is an actual thing, and it just goes to show you how ingrained negativity can be), it can still be a hard thing to overcome.

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Before you let yourself get stymied by your lack of confidence, try to think of a few things.  Have you done whatever it is before, and if so, how did it go?  Did you live through it?  Good, if you’re here then you obviously did.  What could go wrong, and if that does go wrong what can you do to fix it?  Lots of times if you look at the possible negatives, you realize that there are solutions, and/or that the negative is a silly possibility that probably won’t happen.  Before GPS, I used to get lost almost every time I went somewhere new.  Even though I was nervous to go anywhere outside of my comfort zone, I realized that I could always stop and ask someone for directions!  And the best thing was that no one made fun of me, and everyone was always helpful.  See, my problem had a solution that worked every time.  I still deal with nerves every time I drive somewhere new, but it’s under control (thanks to GPS), but mostly because I make myself remember all the times the outcome was positive.

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Once again, the solution to a negative is a positive.  Confidence is the same way.  Make yourself think of a situation where you were not confident but pushed through anyway, and you survived.  Confidence is a muscle that you have to use.  At the very least, learn the words to the song “I Have Confidence” from the musical “The Sound of Music”.  I use the refrain all the time myself.  Of course I don’t go around singing it out loud (not all the time, anyway), but repeating the words to yourself can do wonders.  So, go out and believe in yourself!

 

 

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Confidence

What-is-confidence

This quote is so true.  For many of us, we spend so much time trying to be something that we are not, that we lose track of who we are. I know that for most of my life I’ve been trying so hard to please other people that for a long time I lost my sense of self.  In fact, I often feel like I’m stumbling around in the dark trying to figure out who I am.  Confidence in myself is something that I’ve struggled with for a long time, as I’m sure many other people have.  By always pleasing others, I’ve come to a point in my life when I don’t really know who I am.  How do you find the confidence to be yourself when you’ve lost yourself somewhere along the way?

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My solution to this dilemma has been to try to get back to those things that made me happy before I began trying to please others.  The longer I’ve been working on improving and changing myself, the more confident I’ve become.  Another side-effect of this is that I’ve become a lot more understanding of not only my own deficiencies, but other peoples.  I also spend less time complaining about things than I did before.  Confidence is a gift that we give to ourselves.

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We Remember What You Forget

Verbal abuse is just as devastating as physical abuse. The only difference is that you don’t have visible scars to prove that you’ve been abused. Without the visible bruising, it can be all too easy to pretend that you haven’t been hurt. After all, where is your proof? As I know from first-hand experience, it is really easy to be gas lighted when it comes to verbal abuse. You become confused and can start to believe the abuser when you are told everything is either your fault, or in your head. After all, there is no proof; and just as with a physical abuser, the verbal abuser is often seen as charming to other people.  Also, because there is no actual evidence of the abuse, the abuser denies that anything has happened.  It’s the hit and run of the abusive world.  After all is said, the abuser goes on his marry way leaving the abused to hide in the dark alone.

There are signs of verbal abuse that anyone in a relationship should be aware of, whether or not you feel that your partner is a bully. They can include: taking the brunt of a “joke”; always feeling like you are walking on egg shells to avoid setting off a temper tantrum; comments that are designed to make you lose your confidence; if you say that your feelings have been hurt, the problem is you – you are too sensitive.
http://psychcentral.com/lib/signs-you-are-verbally-abused-part-i/
http://liveboldandbloom.com/11/relationships/signs-of-emotional-abuse
http://www.verbalabuse.com/

The above websites can offer you more information and help then I can. This is a real problem, and it seems to be growing. Bullies are bullies, and there is no excuse for their behavior. I don’t believe in the thinking that they themselves must have been bullied, and so we must feel sorry for them. I was bullied, and since I know what it feels like, I wouldn’t want to abuse someone else.

Know and understand what is going on.   Above all else, don’t allow yourself to be gas lighted.  Don’t forgive and forget, when someone shows you who they are, pay attention!