Belittlement

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The definition of belittlement is to treat someone as less than.  This is something that happens all day, every day to a lot of people.  How do you treat your waitress?  How about the cashier?  It’s an easy, and apparently gratifying thing for many people to engage in.  But, even though belittling others is designed to make you look superior to them, what does it really say about the person who engages in it?  What I really want to talk about is how in your interpersonal relationships people really have to understand that just because someone is family, it doesn’t mean that the usual rules of engagement go out the window.

There is one person in my immediate family who has this habit of sitting and doodling wavy lines on a piece of paper whenever I open my mouth to say something.  Needless to say, I don’t often speak when he is around.  Instead, he speaks and I listen.  My assumption is that my role in our relationship is to listen to him and keep my mouth shut.  At least that is what our relationship has devolved to.  Does this make me want to spend any time with him?  No, of course not.  However, whenever I get upset about his behavior, I remind myself that this way of behaving says a lot more about him than it does about me.

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Being part of a community, no matter how large (or small), means that respect has to be shown as well as given.  One person can’t insist on respect while at the same time denying it to others.  There must be a mutual way of behaving, or any kind of communication will fail.  Has this behavior been directed at you?  Have you dealt with it, or have you just ignored it?  I understand that when one is in an inferior position (such as a waitress or cashier) there is really nothing to do but ignore this behavior.  However, when it occurs in a social (or family) relationship, how do you deal with it?  Let me know in the comments below.

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Am I Aryan?

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Just like the original Nazi’s, most of the people who call themselves “aryan” don’t look it.  Like Hitler, they are not what an “aryan” is “supposed” to look like.  How do I know?  The dictionary says of Nordic (mostly Scandinavian) descent.  So, does that mean that I, who am mostly Swedish (I’m a “mutt”, since I am also German, English and most likely everything in between).  Now, as far as looks go I’m the poster child for the “aryan race” – blond hair (not dyed); blue-eyed, and excessively fair-skinned.

Now, I’m sure your next question would be, do I think I’m “superior”, since I’ve got the physical aspects of being so – according to some people?  NO!  Let me say this, there is no superior race!  There is only the human race.  Get that through your heads.

As far as my German heritage is concerned, the tiny village my grandfather was born in no longer exists.  My grandfather came to New York sometime in the early 1930’s, while two of his older brothers went to Canada, leaving three other brothers and his younger sister along with his mother and father in their village.  When the Nazis discovered that someone in the village was hiding Jews, all the men and boys were lined up and shot and the women and girls were sent to Auschwitz.  The village was then destroyed.  I don’t even know the name of it, and my great aunt, who did survive, always wore long sleeves to cover her numbers.  I only saw them a few times, and that was definitely by mistake, as she was embarrassed by them.  I wish I could have talked to her about what had happened to her and my great-grandmother, but she hardly ever talked.  She was a sweet woman, and I loved her, but I never really knew her.

How can people find pride in claiming to be the Alt-right, KKK, or “Aryan”, I’ll never understand.  We had a war (World War II) over this and they lost.  So, are these people, by extension, losers? I know what I think, but what do you think?  How can anyone claim superiority over someone else?  Let me know how you feel about this in the comments below.  Do you agree that we are all one, and there is only the human race?

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Hate has no Place

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The recent events in this country have shown how divided we are as a community.  There is no place for hatred here.  On one side there is hatred, and on the other there is love for all.  There is no choice since love is the only choice.

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Let’s stop this by showing our love, building up our inclusive society and pushing back against hate.  We are one.

The Destructiveness of Verbal (Emotional) Abuse

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There are various forms of abuse, but verbal abuse often gets ignored, and/or brushed aside as though it doesn’t really have any effects on the person who is abused.  The reason for this is that it doesn’t leave any physical scars.  There are many people who believe that if there isn’t a physical scar, it doesn’t matter.   Many women who suffer from verbal abuse are told “at least it isn’t physical”.  Since this is a common statement, it can make the victims of verbal abuse feel like it must not be happening – it’s all in their heads.

What is verbal abuse, and how can you decide if this a part of your relationship with your significant other?  Here is a definition:  “any act including confinement, isolation, verbal assault, humiliation, intimidation, infantilization, or any other treatment which may diminish the sense of identity, dignity, and self-worth.”1

Emotional abuse is also known as psychological abuse or as “chronic verbal aggression” by researchers. People who suffer from emotional abuse tend to have very low self-esteem, show personality changes (such as becoming withdrawn) and may even become depressed, anxious or suicidal.

https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/emotional-psychological-abuse/emotional-abuse-definitions-signs-symptoms-examples/

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There are many long-term effects of verbal (emotional) abuse that can include:  chronic pain, migraine, headaches, indigestion, bowel issues and stress-related heart conditions.  The psychological effects can include anxiety, depression, PTSD, memory gap disorders, sleep and/or eating disorders, hyper-vigilance or extreme startle response, anger issues, addiction issues, irritability and/or anger issues, suicide or self-mutilation.

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As you can see, being in a relationship where there is verbal (emotional) abuse has long-term effects.  The first thing you can do is figure out if you are in such a relationship.  The second thing you need to do is decide whether or not you want (need) to stay.  There should be no judgments on whether or not you decide to stay.  I understand that there are many considerations to be made.  If you’re dependent on the abuser, feel a need to stay; or whatever reason, this is your decision.  However, if you do decide to stay, being aware of the abuse is a step in the right direction.  You will no longer feel as if you’re “going crazy”, or wonder if you’re being “gas lighted”.  You will be aware, and can change your reactions to what is happening to you.

I’m leaving links in this post so that you can make yourself aware of what verbal (emotional) abuse is, what could be happening to your mental and physical health, and how you can care for yourself.  Be aware, be safe and be healthy.

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https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/verbal-abuse/effects-of-verbal-abuse-on-children-women-and-men/

https://www.7cups.com/blog/post/81/12+Effective+Ways+to+Defend+Yourself+From+Verbal+Abuse.html

https://www.californiapsychics.com/blog/mind-body-spirit/the-best-strategies-against-verbal-abuse.html

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