On Wednesday, I received some bad news. Although it’s not my news, it has however affected my life and my mental health. I can only say that a family I am close to has been ripped apart. It looks like they will not be spending Christmas together, and one family member has been sent away across the country.
There is really nothing that I can do, and herein lays my problem. I. Cannot. Do. Anything. For someone who strangely believes somewhere in my heart of hearts that if I only try hard enough, I can save the world, this is devastating. On some level, I truly believe that if I only love hard enough, big enough, I can “fix” anything. When I can’t (because this is not possible), my heart lays bleeding on the floor. You would think that after all these years I would get used to it, but no…each and every time this happens, it hurts just as if it were the first time.
I have indeed come up with a few things that I hope I will be allowed to do. I can write letters and send cards. I an offer emotional support to those family members I can. This was the worst possible outcome, and the only thing I can do is offer my heart-felt support and love. For my own mental health I need to focus on what I can do.
I don’t think I’m a super-hero, wielding love as my super power. But wouldn’t that be the best super power? A love that solves all problems. If only.. So, I need to stop my descent into despair and sadness and concentrate on how I can help. It’s the only thing that will save me.